My House Rules, Your Room Drools

     Ever let your child know, "This is my house. I make the rules." If that is true, then the kids don't really have a house. Does that make them homeless? The balance between making kids feel at home and retaining authority over your home is a slippery slope. But parents, this may come as a shock, you are in charge of your household.
     That being said, I expect my children to help out and help out cheerfully.
I don't like to use the one liner, "I just close their door. It is their space as long as it doesn't flow out into the hall." I don't agree with that logic for several reasons. I don't think it teaches the kids to be responsible for their things or their space and I used to worry that it would mean raising messy and irresponsible adults.  However, after years of raising kids and seeing the results of my efforts in their adult lives, I have determined that neat kids don't necessarily make neat adults and visa versa.
     I think my daughter said it best. She was sixteen at the time and we were having a discussion about her contribution to chores around the house. I explained that it was important that we maintain a nice home so that everyone had a pleasing retreat to reenergize in. She said, "It may be important to you because this is your house. I am going to have a house someday and then I'll worry about it." At first I was upset that she didn't consider this her house but then I accepted the fact that she was looking forward to growing up and being in charge of her own home. This explains why kids often put little effort into their chores and other jobs as assigned around the house. They don't have  a sense of ownership of the house either because we told them, "This is my house and I make the rules," or because they look forward to the time when they will start maintaining their own home. At any rate, they don't have the same motivation to care for a house that they don't feel is there own.
     Delegating is tricky business and parents have several reasons to do a good job of delegating. Not only does sharing the work around the house take an overwhelming load off one person but it teaches children that everyone who lives in the household should be contributing to its upkeep whether you own it or not. If you are always fighting with the kids to do their chores, you're adding stress to your already over-stressed workload. You don't have to give away the title to the house to motivate your children to carry their share of the load. The greater the stake someone has in the outcome of a task the more effort they will put into it.
     The stake someone feels in a project can be raised by motivating in accordance with their interests either directly in the outcome of the task or by a reward that is offered. Some rewards lend themselves directly to a task, "If you get your room cleaned, you can invite some friends over to enjoy it with you." Other tasks have less instrinsic value, "Feed the chickens or they will die," and the kid thinks if the chickens die that eliminates one more chore. So you must reframe the request to add value to the one you are  delegating the chore to, "Feed the chickens or you'll die," just kidding. I try to avoid rewards that have nothing to do with tasks but some chores, like a kid feeding the chickens, do not have much direct value to the child especially after the initial thrill of gathering chicken eggs wears off. In this case, rewards are less related such as "As soon as the chickens are fed, you can play your video games until dinner is ready."
     Some parents don't feel you should reward your children for chores expected as their family contribution. However, my daughter's comment made me realize that we are ultimately rewarded maintaining our homes because we have a large stake in that outcome, ownership. That is reward in and of itself. For someone who doesn't own your home, rewards may not be as intrinsic as putting a checkmark next to each item on your to-do list. Therefore, when a natural reward does not exist for someone you are trying to motivate, you must create that motivation by giving them a stake in the outcome. Like my dad always says, "You must create a win-win proposition for both parties."